Wednesday, April 25, 2012

old habits are reborn hard

i completely forgot to write last night! i used to be in such a habit of posting something. i guess this is one of many habits i have to re-form. 

yesterday was a breeze. i need to change the header of the blog because this is no longer a juice fast. i don't know WHAT it is. but yesterday i stuck to raw fruits and veggies, with the exception of bacos (which are a vegan food) but i wouldn't consider them to be raw. i had spinach, apples, grapes, garbanzo beans, carrots, all sorts of good-for-me things. and i went back to zumba for the first time in months and didn't die. 

today was a food day at work. pizza, brownies, etc. right now i'm in that euporhic "new diet" phase so it didn't bother me even a tiny bit. i brought grapes and apples for my contribution and it looks like they have been well received. 

when i was juicing i tried to "detour" the effort by buying bottles of a "mean green" juice. i loved it at first. it tasted good, it was easy, it was affordable. i bought it by the case. well then one day i just couldn't stomach it anymore. i have 6 bottles left. i brought one to work thinking maybe enough time had passed and i'd be able to enjoy it again. i just poured some and got through about 3 drinks of it. i don't see me ever drinking it again. i think i'd rather starve. 

the recipe i made at home in the fall that tastes similar to freshly mowed grass actually sounds GOOD to me right now in comparison

i need to figure out some other things to eat. right now i'm not really expanding any horizons. and i want to make sure i get enough calories. funny to go from pigging out to thinking "i hope i'm eating enough." diets are so weird. i wish i could just go without food entirely and take a pill for nutrition that made me feel full. problem solved. 


Monday, April 23, 2012

day 1 again

well, i'm back. i let me down, i let you down. it's time to pick us back up. 

when i last wrote, i was talking about how i resisted cookies and worked out instead. "oh, just think about how long you'll have to work out to get off those cookie calories," i advised you. well the very next day i volunteered on a polar express train ride, and i was put in charge of cookies and hot chocolate. i indulged in both and never stopped indulging. through the holidays i ate everything, and ate it in excess. in january i had one good week of dieting, then went to a friend's birthday weekend extravaganza the second week of the month, and i haven't made one good health decision since then. i haven't exercised, i haven't deprived myself. 

and 33 pounds later, i am only 2 pounds lighter than i was when i started my juice fast. 

20 weeks, 33 pounds. i tried to run tonight and couldn't even make it 5 minutes. the last time i ran, it was a 5k. i have destroyed my body and thrown away all of my hard work. now it's time to pay for it. 

i'm not even sure what type of diet i want to follow. my preference would be a well balanced 1200 calorie diet with all of the food groups, but if juicing taught me anything, it's that my body doesn't tolerate all types of foods. 1200 calories of juice made me feel better and lose weight 4x faster than 1200 calories of meats, dairy and grains. but i'm not sure i can jump back into juice. and not because of the hunger or taste of it...but the pure pain in the assedness of it! the constant trips to the store, the cleaning of the produce, hauling out the juicer, making it, bottling it, cleaning that stupid juicer. if i could hire a personal juicer to make it for me and drop off a day's supply each evening, i'd be thrilled to give it another shot. so today i just stuck to raw vegan foods. fruits, veggies, salad, water. of course my warm lemon juice to start the day! i just feel like i need to get the sugar, fat and animal products out of my body, and then i can see what i feel like doing. i'm totally sold on the benefits of a vegan diet. i just don't know that i can survive it long term, as i proved on december 9th when one cookie ended up costing me 33 pounds and months of determination and effort. 

i know that writing this blog every night helped me feel accountable, so here i go again, even though i'm sure no one is reading anymore. if you are...thanks for sticking around. i'm going to try not to let you down this time. you, or me.