Sad but true: The most exciting part of my workday is normally deciding what to have for lunch. My days severely lack entertainment now, and my enthusiasm is non-existent. I feel like I'm just living from one beverage to the next, desperate for something that tastes like something. It's not even hunger, it's pure boredom. The pleasure center of my brain is definitely located in my mouth.
Pretty much everyone says the first 3 days are the worst then it gets a lot better. FAKE NEWS. The first 3 days were a breeze. Yesterday was a little worse, and today is a giant turd. I wandered through the food aisle of the drug store thinking that some magical liquid I hadn't previously considered might jump out at me. Whopper-in-a-Cup? If I mix peanut butter and frosting together with some Snickers coffee creamer is that considered a smoothie?
Only 9 more full days of this before surgery day. Things don't improve after that as far as taste and texture go. But at least I'll feel like crap and won't want to eat, so there's that. Of course, I started my period yesterday so that's probably why I feel like a monster now.
I woke up around 6am, and my first thought was "WHAT HAVE I DONE?" Like, is this real life? I'm really flying to fucking Mexico in a week to have someone I've never met carve out 80% of my stomach? I'm going to eat dime-size bites and 1/4 cup portions for the rest of my life? How did I let this happen? But I know if I bail on the surgery, I'll run face first into a pizza and that will be that. I've tried, succeeded, and failed SO many times since the age of 8....nothing is different this time. It has to be this way.
I'm down 9 pounds today.
Wednesday, September 25, 2019
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
I'm Souper, Thanks for Asking
Well last night was a breeze. I had a big mug of pureed cream of celery soup. When you eat a cup of soup with a tiny spoon it takes FOREVER. So you magically feel full. I ate outside with the dog by a fire, with my favorite playlist of songs. It made the meal a nice experience despite the lack of actual food.
Today I'm down 8 pounds. Not bad for 3 days! I did break my own rule and engage in some political banter on Facebook last night, and I can only blame the lack of food for that one because I NEVER do that. It wasn't even over the top, but the guy on the other end of it decided we aren't friends anymore. I'm a little bummed about that, but not binge on Reese's bummed. There's probably no chance of the world going back to the way it was before, right? Where people could just talk about important issues without drawing deep lines in the sand?
I've spent the day thinking about what flavor of soup I'll have tonight. The soup is getting me through because it feels like real food. I have a feeling I'll be a soup expert by the time I get to stage 3 soft foods post-op.
Boring blog, but it's all I've got. Go hug a friend and tell them love is stronger than politics.
Today I'm down 8 pounds. Not bad for 3 days! I did break my own rule and engage in some political banter on Facebook last night, and I can only blame the lack of food for that one because I NEVER do that. It wasn't even over the top, but the guy on the other end of it decided we aren't friends anymore. I'm a little bummed about that, but not binge on Reese's bummed. There's probably no chance of the world going back to the way it was before, right? Where people could just talk about important issues without drawing deep lines in the sand?
I've spent the day thinking about what flavor of soup I'll have tonight. The soup is getting me through because it feels like real food. I have a feeling I'll be a soup expert by the time I get to stage 3 soft foods post-op.
Boring blog, but it's all I've got. Go hug a friend and tell them love is stronger than politics.
Monday, September 23, 2019
The Great Gallbladder Bamboozle
Well, here I am again. Fatter than ever. I think I ended up losing around 35 pounds last year. I went back to Hawaii in July and never got back on my diet when I returned. I shot up to my new highest weight ever... 255 pounds. I did finally go to a real doctor, and amazingly, my tests were pretty good. Glucose was perfect. Cholesterol not too far off the mark. Had a normal EKG. Blood pressure is still a bit high but not enough to go on meds. So I finally made a decision I've wrestled with for many years.
Back in 2014 when I kicked B and took names on my diet, it all started with a conversation with a friend who was talking about gastric bypass surgery. I said I had to find out one last time if I could do this on my own before resorting to that. And I did! I started my diet and didn't stop til I'd lost 90 pounds. It took me exactly 2 years to lose 90 pounds and to regain 102 pounds. I realized I CAN lose weight on my own, but I can NOT keep it off. I HAVE to be on a diet at all times. If I'm eating more than 800-900 calories a day, I'm not losing weight. I see know-it-alls on Reddit all the time telling fat people that it's "simple science, calories in vs calories out." Well I'm here to tell you that I can eat 1200 well-balanced calories, exercise, and not lose weight. And at 255 pounds, I should drop weight like crazy at 1200 calories, even without exercise.
SO....I've decided to get gastric sleeve surgery. And in classic ME fashion, I'm not doing it the regular way. You know, like talking to a doctor, going through a year of psychological and medical testing, getting insurance approval. BOR-ING. No, I'm going to Mexico, alone, and getting sleeved for $4900 with exactly one month's time between my initial phone consult and surgery day.
I would never do this without some reassurance that this place and this surgeon are not back alley psychos. I have two great friends who have already been sleeved at this place, and the clinic and surgeon have the same accreditation as the top US bariatric facilities. The surgeon is a designated "master surgeon" for number of surgeries performed without complications. So I feel like I'm in good hands. As for being alone...my top two worries are just being really emotional when I wake up in pain. And, you know, dying...alone...in Tijuana.
I don't feel comfortable telling anyone where I'm going and what I'm doing. There's enough stigma with gastric surgery, and then add the idea of going to Mexico to have it done. I'm going through quite enough mentally at the moment without getting outside opinions on my poor decision-making skills. My mom knows, even though I didn't want to tell her. She didn't take it well, and I wish I had stuck with the OG plan of telling her when I got home. A couple of friends know. But everyone else thinks I'm having my gallbladder out. I had to come up with some logical reason of why I'm on a 14-day liquid diet for pre-op. I just don't need my co-workers to have this information. I work with a couple of real b-holes.
So the saga continues....I'm on day 3 of all liquids. Day one was depressing. Day two I pooped in my pants. And today, I feel ok. I can do this. I mean this blog all started with weeks of only drinking juice and I survived that. At least this time I can have soup and smoothies. If I had to drink mean green juice for 14 days I'd cancel the whole thing and use the money to go to Thailand to feed baby elephants.
But for now, I'm the baby elephant, and I'm going to see this crazy idea through. It's going to be really hard, and also really exciting. And if you're willing to go on another journey with me, I'll tell you everything you never wanted to know about Mexican gastric sleeve surgery from start to finish.
Back in 2014 when I kicked B and took names on my diet, it all started with a conversation with a friend who was talking about gastric bypass surgery. I said I had to find out one last time if I could do this on my own before resorting to that. And I did! I started my diet and didn't stop til I'd lost 90 pounds. It took me exactly 2 years to lose 90 pounds and to regain 102 pounds. I realized I CAN lose weight on my own, but I can NOT keep it off. I HAVE to be on a diet at all times. If I'm eating more than 800-900 calories a day, I'm not losing weight. I see know-it-alls on Reddit all the time telling fat people that it's "simple science, calories in vs calories out." Well I'm here to tell you that I can eat 1200 well-balanced calories, exercise, and not lose weight. And at 255 pounds, I should drop weight like crazy at 1200 calories, even without exercise.
SO....I've decided to get gastric sleeve surgery. And in classic ME fashion, I'm not doing it the regular way. You know, like talking to a doctor, going through a year of psychological and medical testing, getting insurance approval. BOR-ING. No, I'm going to Mexico, alone, and getting sleeved for $4900 with exactly one month's time between my initial phone consult and surgery day.
I would never do this without some reassurance that this place and this surgeon are not back alley psychos. I have two great friends who have already been sleeved at this place, and the clinic and surgeon have the same accreditation as the top US bariatric facilities. The surgeon is a designated "master surgeon" for number of surgeries performed without complications. So I feel like I'm in good hands. As for being alone...my top two worries are just being really emotional when I wake up in pain. And, you know, dying...alone...in Tijuana.
I don't feel comfortable telling anyone where I'm going and what I'm doing. There's enough stigma with gastric surgery, and then add the idea of going to Mexico to have it done. I'm going through quite enough mentally at the moment without getting outside opinions on my poor decision-making skills. My mom knows, even though I didn't want to tell her. She didn't take it well, and I wish I had stuck with the OG plan of telling her when I got home. A couple of friends know. But everyone else thinks I'm having my gallbladder out. I had to come up with some logical reason of why I'm on a 14-day liquid diet for pre-op. I just don't need my co-workers to have this information. I work with a couple of real b-holes.
So the saga continues....I'm on day 3 of all liquids. Day one was depressing. Day two I pooped in my pants. And today, I feel ok. I can do this. I mean this blog all started with weeks of only drinking juice and I survived that. At least this time I can have soup and smoothies. If I had to drink mean green juice for 14 days I'd cancel the whole thing and use the money to go to Thailand to feed baby elephants.
But for now, I'm the baby elephant, and I'm going to see this crazy idea through. It's going to be really hard, and also really exciting. And if you're willing to go on another journey with me, I'll tell you everything you never wanted to know about Mexican gastric sleeve surgery from start to finish.
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