Sad but true: The most exciting part of my workday is normally deciding what to have for lunch. My days severely lack entertainment now, and my enthusiasm is non-existent. I feel like I'm just living from one beverage to the next, desperate for something that tastes like something. It's not even hunger, it's pure boredom. The pleasure center of my brain is definitely located in my mouth.
Pretty much everyone says the first 3 days are the worst then it gets a lot better. FAKE NEWS. The first 3 days were a breeze. Yesterday was a little worse, and today is a giant turd. I wandered through the food aisle of the drug store thinking that some magical liquid I hadn't previously considered might jump out at me. Whopper-in-a-Cup? If I mix peanut butter and frosting together with some Snickers coffee creamer is that considered a smoothie?
Only 9 more full days of this before surgery day. Things don't improve after that as far as taste and texture go. But at least I'll feel like crap and won't want to eat, so there's that. Of course, I started my period yesterday so that's probably why I feel like a monster now.
I woke up around 6am, and my first thought was "WHAT HAVE I DONE?" Like, is this real life? I'm really flying to fucking Mexico in a week to have someone I've never met carve out 80% of my stomach? I'm going to eat dime-size bites and 1/4 cup portions for the rest of my life? How did I let this happen? But I know if I bail on the surgery, I'll run face first into a pizza and that will be that. I've tried, succeeded, and failed SO many times since the age of 8....nothing is different this time. It has to be this way.
I'm down 9 pounds today.
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