breaking through the wall

well i guess whining and complaining was my good luck charm, because i nailed that 5k. and i nailed it dressed like a panda. that's what she said.

i spent the night friday thinking of excuses to get out of it. i woke up saturday morning thinking of excuses to get out of it. i drove 30 minutes to the race still contemplating quitting before starting. and when i got there with my nephew, i asked him if he would rather just do the 1 mile fun run instead. he said, "no. i want to do the 5k." dammit.

so we joined the group of 80 at the starting line and took off at "go." as usual, most of the group immediately pulled ahead nearly out of sight. but there were people behind us, too. i felt good. i could breathe, my legs felt strong and i felt relaxed and calm. i ran well until we got to a big hill, and i had to walk halfway up. after that, i spent more time walking than i would have liked. once you walk once, it gets in your head. but i kept my walks brief and brisk, and runkeeper kept telling me i was ahead of my target pace. my sweet nephew could have easily run ahead and been inside enjoying sandwiches and treats, but he stuck right beside me, walking when i walked...jogging when i ran. i will never forget that. for a kid to give up a chance at a medal and bragging rights to instead keep his aunt company and encourage her WHILE SHE'S DRESSED AS A PANDA ON PUBLIC STREETS, that is a pretty special kid.

i looked at my phone and saw i had half a mile left and i was still under 40 minutes. i knew if i pushed myself, i could finish under 40. it only happened one other time in my life; in 2011 i came in at 39:54 in  a race. so saturday morning i dug deep and i made myself finish as strong as i could...and my time was 39:13. that's 4 minutes faster than the 5k i did october 6th. success!

my next big target will be 35 minutes. looking over everyone's finish times, i realize that 35 is still going to be at the back of the pack. most people my age are in the 28-31 minute range. i truly can't even imagine getting there, but i also couldn't imagine getting HERE at one point, so i won't count it out. i also have to keep in mind that i'm only competing with myself. i know i'm not going to win a medal,  but i can keep working to beat my own best. and working to show up when i want to stay in bed. and working to be more positive, because things are seldom as bad as they seem.

diet-wise, well tomorrow's tops weigh-in may well be my first gain. the scale just did not move this week. i ran on monday and thursday, then did the 5k yesterday, but that's it for exercise. and my eating was just so-so. i never got crazy, but i ate a few things i didn't need. today was our 2-hour trick-or-treat, and i sat next to my big bowl of candy for 1 hour and 36 minutes before a mini twix went into my mouth. i owned it though: i looked up the calories and carbs first and made the decision on purpose. i'd already had a big salad and wings for lunch through, so on the day before tops, none of that was a great decision. i should have gone easy on the food and made a trip to the gym. tomorrow is our tops halloween party, so i have to spend my time before weigh-in preparing my snack instead of my normal last-chance workout. by the time i add clothes to what the scale says now, i either will have gained a bit or stayed the same. it has to happen eventually. i'm not super discouraged, because i had another major success in my week at the 5k.

i spent a lot of time tonight talking to my friend who wants to start this diet with her daughter. i feel like her daughter is our chance at a "do over." if only someone had reached out to us before we were teenagers and said, "i'm going to help you lose weight and feel better," our whole lives may have been different. so i'm really excited to find out how their first day and subsequent week goes. please keep them in your thoughts.

assignment for my slims: write down what accomplishment in your life made you feel the most proud. how did you feel in that moment? did you have confidence leading up to it, or did you surprise yourself? what is the one thing you think would make you the most proud about reaching a weight or fitness goal? what is something you could accomplish then that you couldn't now that would make you feel like a champion?