Monday, December 16, 2013

the struggle.

i'm in bad shape, folks. i'll have a good day, or part of a good day, and then i'll do something dumb. and i know it when i'm doing it. it's that weird self-sabotage mode i've been in before. i haven't been able to get back on track steadily since thanksgiving. it wasn't even thanksgiving day that did me in, it was that plate of leftovers 2 days later. that was my first big clandestine "sneak" food, and it got in my head. today i was fine all day, and then i went to my christmas dinner with the band and i got a burger and another guy got a fish sandwich, and we cut each in half and swapped. i didn't take anything off of the bun or scrape off breading. what in the world? actually i was really good yesterday too. so i could have 2 good days behind me now, but instead i'm starting over again tomorrow. i didn't even go to tops tonight. i had time to weigh-in before the party but i couldn't face the gain. i'm up 2 pounds from last week.

the downfall has been cookies. on friday all i ate was cookies, all day. i was fine until i got back to work and we had been delivered a spread that you'd have to see to believe. i'm too tired to upload the pic, but i will try tomorrow. it started with "i'll just have one buckeye," and ended with me bringing home a big platter of them "for my friends to eat saturday" and then i ate them all friday evening and all day saturday. finally tonight i dumped the rest in the trash.

i'm so scared i won't get ahold of myself. anyone who hasn't been in this position would say "just do it. stop eating crap. do what you've done for the past 8 months, dummy." but i feel like this is happening TO me as much as i'm making the decisions. i feel powerless when i look at these treats.

this saturday is the final 5k until march i believe. that scares me too. with nothing to train for, my motivation to get to the gym gets buried under the snow and ice and 5pm sunset.

so if anyone has any advice or words of wisdom for me, i need it now. it's going to be too late soon.


  1. Hi Amy - I get how hard it is and how it feels like it's out of your control, but you have already demonstrated great control and determination to be a healthier you! The holidays are very hard!! You were aware of that coming into them. You just have to brush yourself off and get back to it. Saying 'you can do it' feels inadequate, but I believe in you and your ability to be successful at meeting your goals. Maybe take a minute and let go of all the self criticism and write down all the good reasons to stay on / get back on track as well as all the ways that you are strong and have overcome over this past year. Just to remind yourself that you are very capable.
    Also - when I'm feeling unsure or lack in confidence - I stand big. Check out this TED talk by Amy Cuddy about tricking our brain into feeling confident.
    Sending you all kinds of positive thoughts and support!!!

    1. thank you jill! i have been pretty good this week, and the pounds were coming off again as of this morning. i resisted all sorts of temptation at work today, and i have a 5k in the morning. i think i just may survive the holidays!

      thanks for your encouragement! how are things going for you?