wild ride.

well the past four weeks have been a roller coaster. everything was great until the saturday after thanksgiving, and then that whole leftovers thing happened. it's odd to be at a weight i'm willing to discuss on the internet, but here we go. on thanksgiving morning i was 166.6. i had fasted the previous day due to being too busy, so that admittedly was a bit of a "false positive." i think i went up a pound or so, but then on saturday, got into the leftovers. since then i have been back up as high as 170.2 and as low as 165.8. those same 5 pounds... up, down, up, down. last monday i was sick, so i missed tops. this week i woke up on monday at 168.8. i thought there was NO WAY to get down to my previous tops weight of 166.75, so i was set for my first gain. but in a last-ditch effort, i fasted all day, only having heavy whipping cream in my coffee, and i worked out for an hour before weigh-in in a heavy hoodie. got to tops... weighed in at 166! the streak continues.

i did well on tuesday. on wednesday at noon we were dismissed from work, and i went to my parents'

for christmas. i was determined to eat well that day. there's no tradition on christmas eve i couldn't work with. but my mom had these salted peanut butter bars in her fridge, and then came home with a giant tray of treats, and i decided "i'm going to be off my diet from noon on the 24th til midnight on the 25th," and i was! i had some chips and half a bun with my dinner burger, along with a christmas ale. probably ate 5 cookies prior to that. on christmas morning, i dove into this monkey bread. i drank orange juice. at lunch i had cheesy potatoes, baked corn, ham on a bun, another cookie and a piece of ice cream cake. later i ate my three lindor truffles, some chicken salad on a croissant, and some party mix. then the clock struck midnight and i hit reset.

right now i'm hungry, but not miserable. i feel in control. a friend came over to fix something for me and i sent with him a huge tray of cookies i'd been trying to take to my neighbor for 3 days, and a bag filled with party mix, opened boxes of crackers and an opened bag of chocolate covered pretzels. my entertaining is over, thus no excuse to have those in the house. oh, and i dumped in a bowl of mini PB cups. i don't have any social plans over the next few days, so i am going to do some IF (intermittent fasting) and i need to get to the gym. should have gone today, no excuse not to have... but one thing at a time.

getting through today will be the real test of where my head is at. i did look at those cookies once and think "just one more day won't hurt." but i don't want to be in the gym on monday an hour before tops trying to sweat out 3 pounds. i want to be a person who can eat anything she wants a few times a year and get right back on the plan. i failed to prove that to myself on thanksgiving, so christmas is my chance. i can not let that plate of leftovers become "the cookie" from 2011. but everyone SHOULD be able to have a few days a year... particularly thanksgiving, christmas and their birthday... where they can eat whatever they want without guilt and despair. if i can lose 2.75 by monday, i will get my 80 pound charm at january's first meeting. if i lose anything at all, i get a special elf charm for losing after thanksgiving. i didn't weigh today, so i don't yet know how much damage i did. i'll let you know tomorrow what i'm up against. whatever it may be, if i can buckle down, i know i can overcome it by monday.

i hope you had a wonderful and merry christmas. if you went off of your plan, that's ok. just get back on with me now, ok? how nice would it be to start the new year with a week of clean eating already behind you? then you can focus on another resolution.