a few hours after my blog on sunday, my phone rang. tops leader. i KNEW what she was going to say! TOPS WAS CANCELLED DUE TO INCLEMENT WEATHER! i was ecstatic! another week to lose my 2lb and i could eat dinner! i immediately stripped off my clothes and jumped on the scale. guess WHAT. i was down 2.2 pounds. lowest. weight. ever. i'd done it! so joy turned to sorrow, as i have to wait another week to get this recorded at tops, and we all know what can happen in a week!
so i had a salad and a salmon patty, kept it simple. since tops was cancelled, i no longer had a reason not to attend a pampered chef party i'd been invited to monday evening. she said they were demonstrating a potato soup, and that sounded safe enough. i can pass up soup. so i had a small salad at my mom's after work, then went to the party at 7. ok kiley... SOUP? you failed to mention the carrot cake, reese's bars, oreo truffles, buckeye truffles, buffalo dip, and orange drop cookies. so.... "i can't get this anytime i want it" rule went into effect, but three bite rule went OUT THE DOOR. unless you consider each truffle one bite. three of those, half of a cookie, half of a piece of cake, a small bowl of soup (at that point, may as well sample it), some buffalo dip and two reese's bars later, i rolled myself out of there. at home i continued my binge with some old pringles cheese sticks i found in the back of the cupboard. i am a foodaholic, no joke. i can never contain it anymore. i could have come home and not touched another thing, but i just HAD to pile on. i can't explain it. it's not fun or satisfying. it feels ugly and rebellious when it's happening.
the good news is that i got right back with it today, no thoughts of cheating again. and by the grace of God, i didn't gain anything. but my ankle... still jacked up. not terrible but not perfect. when i walk it hurts just enough to know it hurts. and i've noticed that my left foot faces forward when i walk, but my right, the painful one, is pointing out to the side. somehow that's how i'm compensating. sigh. GET BETTER, FOOT! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU!
i've kept busy all evening talking with friends on facebook about some upcoming adventures, so i haven't thought about binging. i had some cheese after work and never even revisited the idea of a genuine meal.
therefore - emotional eating journal - nothing to report today. but last night i ate because i got drunk on the idea of "what do these things taste like?" and wanting to fit in and enjoy myself. then i ate because i was mad at myself for eating. i think it's a "you stupid pig, if you're going to be a piggy, be a whole hog and really punish yourself!" type thing. ugh.
so on that note... piggy ziggy, out.