Thursday, November 7, 2013

birthday blahs

just wanted to check in with a couple bits of good news. first, i got through my birthday with no cheats. i had half of an egg beater omelette, no toast at breakfast. for lunch i had a chicken bacon ranch pizza made on a low carb tortilla, a small glass of wine and some sugar free jello. i went to an open house after work and had 3 bites of cheese, a meatball and one cracker with some dip on it. and that's all for the day. i took cider, doughnuts and a pumpkin loaf to work as my birthday treat and didn't touch it.

my almost-victory... got on the scale and had dropped from yesterday. which means i am only half a pound away from moving from "obese" to "overweight" on the BMI chart. the little message that comes up with it now talks about how losing weight will lower my risk for heart disease. but when i get into "overweight," it just says, "try not to gain any more weight." ok, will do, BMI app!

so i really should have gone to the gym tonight to work on that half pound so i can become "only overweight" tomorrow. but did i? no. i sat around feeling sorry for myself for not having a birthday cake with candles and people singing so i could make a wish. last night i was feeling amazing about how i have my own house this year, but tonight i feel really lonely. what kind of loser sits home alone on her birthday night? i lit a tea light and blew it out but that only made me feel more pathetic. if tea light wishes worked, everyone would have everything they want.

tomorrow it will be back to normal. a regular day feels fine on a regular day. but a regular day feels like sadness and disappointment on your birthday. i want to be 6 again so badly. when you're 6, you're a superstar on birthday day. when you're 36, not married, no kids, nobody cares.

maybe losing weight will be the first step toward having someone to sing to me next year.

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