grrrrrrrr.

well i've been MIA for a few days. originally just because it was such a busy weekend. but last night i just couldn't bring myself to face all of you.

on friday morning i hit that major milestone. the scale was in a place i've wanted it to be in for a LONG time. it lasted about 12 hours.

i was so busy on friday i didn't have much time to eat. well, any time. i didn't eat or drink anything all day. i had to help set up a fundraiser after work, so on the way i ran through wendy's drive thru and got a side salad with low-calorie dressing. but a few hours later i found myself at a little party with my girlfriends. cheese and trail bologna (a local delicacy), spinach quiches, chicken salad on croissants, bite sized pumpkin pies, salt and vinegar chips...should i go on? i ate like a PIG. i mean there was CHEESE, people.

the next morning i went back to the event i was working at. i started out with a banana for breakfast. well then i spotted these treats that i love...a hershey kiss melted on a pretzel with an m&m on top. i had about 7 of them. after that, the diet was OFF. i had to take a group of people to dinner at an italian restaurant, and i had cheese sticks, bread, a salad, a meatball and gnocchi. on sunday i had beans, rice and a taco at a mexican restaurant, and an egg white and cheese on flatbread from subway. argh. monday morning the scale was up 5.5 pounds. now i know i ate a lot of crap, but i didn't eat enough calories to come out to 5.5 pounds! today i had dropped 2 of those. but that still leaves me 3.5 pounds over the weight i was on friday morning.

so i worked out hard tonight. i did run/walk intervals on the treadmill, i went to zumba and yoga, then i did weights and crunches. tomorrow night i have an appointment with a personal trainer, a gift from my good friend sally at the YMCA. i did eat some food today. i am not sure when or if i can get back to strict juice. i just need a minute to evaluate everything. today i ate edamame, cucumber, green pepper, pistachios, hummus and black bean dip. keeping it low-cal, low-fat and meat free. i will make some juice this week and use that too, but i just don't see me going 18 days without food again. we will see.

i'm sorry, i feel like a terrible influence on those of you who were looking to me for inspiration during a juice fast. i have failed over and over again. but that doesn't mean you have to. if anything, learn the lesson from me that once you "slip up" it becomes all too easy to do it over and over again. and as much as i enjoyed the food i ate over the weekend, if you had asked me if it was worth 5.5 pounds, i would have said hell no.

tomorrow is another day. sigh.