delicious voices magazine. editor benjamin micah asked me to write my reboot story and to provide regular updates. so starting with this missive, my blog posts will be copied to the delicious voices website as well as posted here. you can find my introductory post by clicking here.
the news of my post going live couldn't have come at a better time. i learned of it as i was laying in my bed, contemplating going to the store for hummus and pita chips. today has been rough. it's not hard to figure out why...i've been away from juice again. on friday i went to "melt." i did good by one set of standards, terrible by another. all day i told myself "get a salad." then i got there and saw and smelled the food. it's truly my favorite restaurant in the world, and it's 90 minutes from home. so it's not like i get there weekly. so i ordered my favorite sandwich. BUT...i only ate half of it, and i sent the other half home with my friend as to not be tempted on saturday. i didn't get fries, but oh how i wanted them! i did take about 3 bites of pumpkin cheesecake, too. oh, and i had a cocktail--the drunken pumpkin. of everything i consumed, i regret that the most. it tasted good, but it didn't do much for me. i would have been content with water.
on saturday i bought 12 gourmet cupcakes and didn't eat any of them. i bought food at bob evans and delivered it to a friend. i stood strong. then i went out with a friend from cleveland and ended up with 3 beers, 2 (small) slices of pizza and 5 pieces of fried broccoli in my belly. IDIOT. none of it was amazing, none of it was worthwhile. i loathed myself for it.
on sunday i decided to ease back into juice by eating vegan. i had some chickpeas in curry sauce, some carrots, and lettuce in olive oil and red wine vinegar. so all in all, my total food consumption for the entire 3 days probably was less than i used to eat in one day. but after juicing, this was a major deviation from the plan, and one i'm not proud of--especially saturday. i did go to zumba saturday morning and sunday afternoon. but this morning i was still up 8/10 of a pound from friday.
so as it will always be after straying, today was a rough day. first of all i didn't enjoy my juice, pure carrot juice. i should have mixed it with some oranges. then i came home to the scent of barbecue ribs slow roasting in the crock pot and i swear i felt my heart break. i had every intention of going to walk or work out, but ended up hiding in my room, napping and feeling sad. i "pigged out" on some pistachios, then felt sad some more. then i started hardcore fantasizing about me and a container of hummus and bag of garlic pita chips...
and that's when benjamin posted my story on delicious voices, and i read what i wrote when i was on a juice and weight loss high last week, and it renewed my faith in myself. a friend on the reboot fb page has survived not one, but TWO canadian thanksgiving dinners in the past 2 days, and she hasn't caved. i have willpower like that inside of me, i just need to dig it back out and stop making excuses.
tomorrow is a new day, and it WILL be an all juice day. i have zumba and yoga in the evening, so i have a chance to work off some of these mistakes. i have to remember i'm on a journey, not in a race. there will be times when i deviate, but it doesn't have to mean the trip is over. now i'm not only responsible to myself, but also to the people i'm hoping to inspire through this blog, on facebook and now via delicious voices. thanks to benjamin for the opportunity. it's one more weapon in my arsenal against failure.