does running late count as exercise?

that was the quote on the marker board at the YMCA this morning, which was appropriate, because i was there almost 3 hours later than planned. but better late than never, right?

today i did w4d1 of c25k. today's routine was run 3 minutes, walk 90 seconds. run 5 minutes, walk 2 minutes. repeat. i KILLED those 5 minute runs. i took my kindle today and enlarged the font so i was able to read while jogging. i think that helped to distract me. next week there's a straight 20 minute run. ack!

came home and weighed myself....success! the scale finally moved down, and the dressing baby is gone! 1.8 pounds gone this morning, leaving me with only 2.3 to lose before friday. piece of cake.

or...piece of CHEESECAKE? accckkkk! i got to work feeling strong, confident, happy and full of willpower. then jessica, AKA evil betty crocker devilwoman, showed up with white chocolate chip cheesecakes. no one could shut up about how amazing they were, and i wanted to bash them all in the face. finally i took one small bite, and it WAS delish. in my previous life, i would have had at least 3 of these badboys today. but i was satisfied by my taste.

i stuck to juice the rest of the day, other than a little bit of hummus when i got home from the theater tonight. i saw "spamalot" which was very funny and a nice distraction from being hungry.

so tomorrow....i should go to the gym in the morning because i have band practice in the evening. however, i got my hair highlighted today, and she straightened my hair. as soon as it gets wet it will be curly again. i REALLY want to get a day's use out of the straightness. sooooo....i'll probably skip the gym in the morning and hope to be home from practice in time to still get into the Y before closing time.

and that's the news from panda nation today. time for some magic tea, then hopefully sweet dreams. i hope everyone stayed strong today with the oodles of candy and treats lurking about!

blood battle

my top four fears are spiders, ghosts, tornadoes and aliens. after that comes needles. i tried to face my fear by getting a small tattoo several years ago. i hated the way it felt and now i hate the way it looks. experiment failed. so today there was a blood battle (blood drive competition) leading into a rivalry football game tomorrow night. each year i try so hard to psyche myself up to do it. every year i fail. i mean, my mom still has to go with me when i need blood drawn, if that tells you anything.

this story doesn't have a feel-good ending where i overcome the odds. i decided not to do it. a big part of that was that i've just felt a little run down the past couple of days, and i really needed to be able to get through my workout tonight. but when i was making a list of pros and cons, one of the pros was, "it might make me weigh a few ounces less." and THAT is how you know you're a scale addict, folks!

speaking of addictions, i got an iphone today around 4pm. went to zumba at 6 with every intention of doing c25k after. but i couldn't wait to get back to my phone and practically ran out of zumba when it ended. technically it wasn't c25k day anyway since i did it yesterday. but i'm trying to take fewer resting days than scheduled so i can finish the whole plan before the turkey trot.

since i worked out, and since i've been feeling a little weak, i had a meal after the gym--a vegan bean "burrito" i found in the organic section at giant eagle, and some rice with peach mango salsa. tomorrow night, i'll just tell you now, i'm having white bread, chicken, eggs and i'm not sure what else is in there. my mom's dressing (you may call it stuffing) is the highlight of thanksgiving. this year however, circumstances dictate that we have to go out for our meal. so my mom made it for tomorrow night's pre-game party at our house, and i'm going to have some. there are some things that you just can't fight. i'm still winning the war against the mcrib, but this dressing...it's bigger than me. it is pre-made and in the fridge right now, and frankly i'm shocked that i'm not upstairs secretly baking a dish to eat tonight. THAT can be my victory. i honestly don't even care if i gain a pound. totally worth it.

oh..and please remind me that i said that when i'm crying on saturday because i gained a pound.

life before 6am

today i did something i've never done in my life: i went to the gym before 6am.

i had to wake up early to help a friend get to work, so i figured i might as well make up for not being able to go to the gym last night. in my mind, i'd waltz right into the gym at 5:45 and have the run of the house. all of the finest freshly washed towels, pick of the best treadmills, peace and quiet.

holy hell, was i sadly mistaken.

that place is more of a madhouse at 5:45am than at 5:45pm. not only did i not have my pick of the BEST treadmills, i was relegated to the very WORST treadmill. the one that shocks you if your hands are sweaty when you check your heart rate. the one with not enough display options, so it switches back and forth, always lingering on the one you don't want to see at that moment. the one in the back row, too far to read the closed caption on the tv's. think steerage on the titanic, folks. but i powered through in my meager conditions and felt good about doing it before the break of dawn.

my plan was for that to be "last night's" workout, then to do another one after work today. heh. turns out four hours of sleep is not a motivator for a repeat appearance at the gym. i came home and blessed my family with my grumpiness instead! lucky them!

today i had a power struggle in my brain. it was the final day for our local farmer's market. they make these really amazing wood fired pizzas out of fresh, local ingredients. as far as pizza goes, these are as healthy as they come. but it is still flour, it's still some cheese, it's still a good 800 calories for the pie. BUT it was my final chance to have one until MAY! i fought with myself all day about it. in the end i decided i just could not bear to see the scale possibly go up instead of down tomorrow after the stellar week i've had. also my birthday is next week and i had previously requested my favorite meal: homemade meatloaf, mac and cheese, and pumpkin roll for dessert. but today i emailed my mom and called that off too. i just can't thwart momentum like this. i'm going to enjoy a special food treat on friday this week, so i have to sacrifice in some other areas.

so speaking of the scales.... i forgot to weigh last wednesday, so this is a 6 day total: 5.4 pounds! WOOT! that's an entire fat log in one week!  if i can lose 3.7 before next friday, i'll have met my 30 pound goal between labor day and the new york trip with the band. 9 days...that's less than half a pound a day. body don't fail me now!

now if just ONE person who doesn't have any idea i've been dieting would notice my weight loss, i'd feel like i'm really accomplishing something. i know i'm a fatass, but damn. 26.3 pounds and not one random comment? hmph.

and it's not because i think my car is sweet....

well i've become one of those people. the type that park out at the end of the parking lot far away from everyone else. it's not because i'm protective of my car. rather it's because i've been abducted by aliens who probed my brain and sent me back to earth as the kind of girl who chooses to walk farther than necessary to burn off a few extra calories.

today i planned to go to the Y after work to do my 5k training. but throughout the day i lost motivation. i had trouble sleeping last night, only getting about 4 hours. i felt a little shaky and ick all day. i tried everything i could think of to talk myself out of going to the gym at the end of the day. but the next thing i knew, i was jogging on a treadmill.

tomorrow night i have band practice, which is normally one of my favorite places in the world to be. but this week i'm really annoyed that i have to miss zumba and yoga to be there.

what has happened to me? the balance of power has shifted. the fat used to control me, but now i am controlling the fat. i'm telling it where to go. remember the fat logs? i am less than a pound from having lost FIVE of them now.

my intent has been to go all-juice for the next 10 days. but for a variety of reasons, i haven't made that happen. i've been drinking organic juice (lakewood) and eating healthy foods. tonight i made the best dinner. kashi tlc pita crisps (click here for a $1.00 coupon), my new healthy snack addiction. then peach mango salsa, cucumber, and ah-maz-ing guacamole that i made. it's incredible how good something like this tastes, and what a treat it seems to be, compared with the way i used to eat. let's be honest, if i wasn't rebooting, odds are 10:10 that i would have had a mcrib, fries, pumpkin pie and peppermint mocha for my dinner tonight-- 1420 calories.

i have really been overwhelmed by the comments i've received from people this week telling me that i've inspired them. i'll touch on that a bit more tomorrow. tonight i just want to stress again that if i can do this, you can do this. i'm not even doing 100% juice anymore, and i'm still seeing great results. so if you ARE still fasting, you'll see even better results even faster. however you are reaching your goals, the important thing is to stay in control, and not to let losing a battle keep you from winning the war.

this one's for scratch (and anyone on a budget)

a reader posted this comment on yesterday's blog entry: I immediately began seeing results and was so motivated. Then the reality of the cost of this made me stop. I found it to be very expensive! Would you mind sharing any tips on keeping the costs reasonable? 

i think i spent nearly $100 in my first few days of juicing, plus the cost of the juicer itself. i was really worried about how i would afford to keep doing this. but i learned and adapted along the way.

1. i bought too much produce starting out. i thought i would want to be uber-creative and have 3-4 different juices every day to keep things interesting. eventually i learned that i was fine with the same juice all day every day for a few days in a row. so much of what i bought the first week went bad before i could juice it because the produced netted more juice than i expected, and i dank less than i expected. when you stick to one or two recipes at a time, you tend not to over-buy.

2. watch for sales. i will go to 2 and sometimes 3 different stores to get what i need, depending on what i plan to drink. if aldi has a sale on lemons and carrots, i go there, and then hit giant eagle for kale and cucumbers. check the sale ads on sunday and then determine what you can juice that week for the lowest cost.

3. freeze it. if you get a great deal on something, make extra juice and freeze it for later. sure it's ideal if you can drink it right away. but the reboot nutritionist said it's fine to freeze it for up to a month. this can be a time saver, too. make a huge batch over the weekend and you don't have to touch your juicer again for a week!

4. i have a great farmer's market in my town. unfortunately, this will be the final week for that. i was also blessed to have many friends with gardens who gave me lots of overstock. i also read somewhere about someone who talks to the produce managers at her local stores, and they will sell her boxes of produce that are not fit for the shelves anymore. she juices them right away and freezes the juice--and gets a HUGE box of produce for $5.

5. i cheat. i have purchased a LOT of bottled juice at my local health food store. in place of "mean green," i drank bottles of lakewood juice's "lean green." i purchase a case at a time (6 bottles) to get a 10% discount, which makes them about $4 a bottle. a bottle plus some edamame or an apple, seeds and nuts will get me through my day, and i can't make a batch of mean green for $4. i also love the r.w. knudsen low sodium very veggie juice. i gently warm it in the microwave and eat it with a spoon like tomato soup. i could never make a juice this good, this easily for $4-$5. buying these bottled juices made my life so much easier. but be careful...i am so sick of "lean green" right now that i can't even force it down. use these to supplement, not as 100% of your juice.

6. i eat. if you've been following along at home, you know that i juiced for 18 days, then went to new york and ate the big apple. and the big thai meal. and the big cupcake. after that i never completely went back to long periods of juice only. but i have learned how to use healthy foods to supplement what i do with juice. except for the 2 weekends when i have completely let myself go, i have lost weight every single week on this modified plan. eating some simple raw foods like edamame, hummus or unsalted roasted sunflower seeds helps to fill me up, meaning i need less juice. sometimes i'll chop up an entire head of iceberg lettuce or a whole bag of baby spinach and mix it with a little bit of olive oil, then drench with red wine vinegar and top with the sunflower seeds. this is a huge meal that contains under 150 calories and costs under $2 to make.

7. i keep in mind what i used to spend on food. it was nothing for me to pick up a fast food lunch 5 days a week. subway cost $8 for a sandwich, sun chips and drink. wendy's was nearly $7 for the salad i loved. taco bell was $5 for the big beefy box. so that was $25-$40 a week just for lunch. not to mention snacks from the machine at work, a mid-afternoon run to mcdonald's for a $3 frappe or mocha. then the weekend would hit and i'd routinely be at dinner with friends, easily spending $30 on a meal, drinks and tip. i really think that on this plan i am probably saving money compared to the way i used to eat.

8. making other sacrifices to afford this diet will save me money in the long run. consider this paragraph from usnews.com: The annual cost of being obese is $4,879 for a woman and $2,646 for a man, according to George Washington University researchers. Being overweight, meanwhile, costs $524 for women and $432 for men. Driving up the price-tag are employee sick days, lost productivity, short-term disability, emergency room care, and even the need for extra gasoline. One reason the costs are higher for a woman? Past research suggests larger women earn less than skinnier women, while men's wages don't vary based on their weight, the study authors say. The report also averages in the economic value of lost life, since obesity can lead to earlier death—which brings the annual costs up further to $8,365 for women and $6,518 for men. 

did you hear that, ladies? our fatness is reflected in our wages! fat dudes can still get good jobs and hot chicks if they are smart and have decent personalities (or decent bank accounts). but fat chicks, no matter how smart or personable, just have a tougher time getting ahead. 


9. juice in-season. different fruits and vegetables fluctuate in cost depending on your geographic location. find out what's nearby and in season, then plan your juices around that quarterly. when i started juicing i could get cantaloupes bigger than my head for $1.50. now if i can find them at all they are small, hard, and $3-$4.

10. i don't have another tip, but who could leave a list at only 9 items? i guess i'd just say to try making a list of the things you spend money on, and see where you can cut back for awhile. if you smoke, now is a great time to quit and use that money for your health. if you buy coffee every day, pick up a box of herbal tea and drink that instead. as for me, i make my warm lemon water my morning beverage. if you drink alcohol, cut that out while juicing for obvious reasons. manis? pedis? unplanned shopping trips? top of the line shampoos and perfumes? food, clothes and shelter for your kids? ok, you can't skimp on that stuff. but just keep in mind that your life is worth splurging on.

i have read that the cost of juicing runs most people an average of $14 per day. that amounts to $840 in 60 days. i'd say i'm doing it for closer to $10 a day. which would be a lot of extra expense if i was still buying all of those lunches and frappes. but for me, it has not really been a hardship. if you can't afford the cost, try doing all juice just 3 days a week, and eating as healthy as possible the other days. this should still give you results.

if anyone has any other tips or questions, please leave a comment below, or feel free to email me at cheeserbeezer@gmail.com. good luck, scratch. hope this helps!

what do you want to talk about tonight?

for once, i'm kind of at a loss for words. today was uneventful. i struggled once again. my juice is just not going down easily. i need new juice, and it's my fault for not making it happen. i'm being a lazy juicer/produce buyer. i laid around all evening and ended up eating an apple whole. i also stopped at the farmer's market after work and had a nibble on their super special harvest meal, prepared by local chefs. they had butternut curry soup! holy cow. i'd had plans to make butternut soup tonight anyway. i should have taken its picture for the blog, but i was in too big of a hurry to hog it down after only having one small cup of juice all day. i need to get my act together, people.

this morning was my weigh-in. i only lost 2 pounds this week. but if you've been following along at home, you know all of the crap i ate. melt on friday, pizza and beer on saturday. i had the farmer's market pizza last wednesday. a pistachio binge on monday. so i'm pretty happy with 2 pounds. i'm SO close to my first big goal. hopefully tomorrow or the next day. the last time i weighed what i weigh now was july, 2010.

oh, i can talk about the upcoming weekend. i am a board member for a scholarship pageant, which is saturday. friday night is set-up and then the board goes to my favorite local italian restaurant. i am skipping that and going to my friend's house instead. saturday though....they bring in awesome doughnuts and pastries for breakfast. plus on my way there i'm picking up a dozen cupcakes from THE cupcake place i mentioned on my mom's birthday. for lunch, wendy's sends a bunch of free food over. then it's my actual job to take all of the judges back to the favorite italian place for another free meal. then after the pageant, everyone goes to applebees. plus backstage is filled with cookies and candy all weekend. on sunday i am going to hang out with a friend, and i'm pretty sure food is supposed to be involved. i can dodge a lot of this. the thing is, i won't WANT to. does anyone else have a weird hangup when the food is free? i was never super privileged, but i never starved as a child either. however, for some reason i have the hardest time passing up a free meal. would it cross my mind ever to go through wendy's drive thru right now? not a chance. but when they bring in the free burgers and fries, i will really feel like i'm missing out. what is the deal? it's like a $4.00 meal. i have 10x that much money just in CHANGE in my car. it's not like i need to hoard free food.

i did arrange to go late to the event on saturday morning so i can go to zumba first. and on sunday i told my friend i have to be home by 4 for zumba. so i'm committed to the exercise, but having to say "no" to SIX different "special occasions" in ONE weekend is going to be tough. i could use all the support i can get.

just gotta keep thinking about how things will be if i can drop another 20 pounds. we're talking whole new wardrobe. squeal!

me + c25k = together again

from a juice/exercise standpoint, today was good. this morning i thought back on all of the crap i managed to sneak into my mouth this past week, and realized today was my final chance to make the scale move AT ALL when i weigh-in tomorrow. not so much as one soybean went into my mouth today. it was all juice and water.

i have two secret weapons that i will reveal to you now. you've earned it by sticking with my blog this long. 1) the first thing i drink every morning is a cup of warm water with a generous squeeze of lemon juice in it. i get about 3 days out of one lemon if that helps you with the size of the squirt. lemons can do all sorts of amazing things in our bodies, but this day-starting beverage will get your digestive system going, which will kick your metabolism into gear. it's also a great warm beverage if you are trying to kick a coffee habit. i have come to look forward to it very much. 2) my second secret weapon stems from the last thing i tried to lose weight: zija. odds are good you've heard of it, and i won't get into what it is, does, costs, etc. but one component of the zija system is a detoxifying tea that you drink before bed, then in the morning you go to the potty. i used to sell zija and still have my distributorship, so i decided to try adding this tea to my juice diet. it works SO well. 3-4 nights a week i have a cup and always see a great loss the next morning. i can order it for anyone who is interested, but i would guess that your local health food store would have a comparable product.

so today i started my day with the warm lemon water, then i had some green juice through the day, along with about 2 liters of water. i hated my green juice today, i really did. one of the hardest parts of this diet is finding a juice you like, then not getting burned out on it. 3 weeks ago i loved this juice, now i can barely stand the sight, taste or smell of it. time to switch things up a bit. tonight i made a recipe i saw on the reboot facebook page. someone posted that they juiced butternut squash, sweet potato, green onions, and red bell peppers; added garlic, tumeric, and paprika; gently warmed and served as soup. she said it was good enough to serve to non-juicers. hmmm. it was decent enough that i was able to eat a big bowl of it tonight. but i don't think anyone would be interested that didn't HAVE to eat it. i would like to get her exact recipe, because i was just guessing on amounts. i felt like it was overly starchy and more sweet than savory, which i didn't expect.

i also worked out tonight, biggest loser last-chance-workout style. for many years, my goal was to run a 5k. last august i started the couch-to-5k program that starts you out running for 60 seconds at a time and progresses you to 30 minutes of running in 9 weeks. i ran my first 5k on thanksgiving day 2010. i did 3 more after that, then quit running over the summer. i wasn't sure i would get back together with running this fall. but tonight i went to the Y an hour before zumba and started back at the beginning of C25K, and it went beautifully. i was sweating like a beast, but i felt great. i think i can be ready in time for the turkey trot. even if i am not at the point of running 3 miles, i'll be able to do a run/walk combo. after that i went through my weight and kettlebell exercises. then i went to zumba where i crashed. i wanted to work HARD and i just could not make my body do it. i have never been that incapable before. sometimes i am lazy and don't work hard, but tonight i was giving it everything i had, and my body was barely responding. i was starting to wonder if i should go buy a gatorade or something, because i felt awful. but after zumba i went to yoga, which is a great way to relax, and after that i was fine. 

so i'm hoping that my day of juice, water and exercise will push the scale just a little tomorrow, after a tragic week of shoving crap into my mouth. i had the chance to reach a big milestone this week, and i blew it. but if i can get close tomorrow, then it should only take another day or two to get there.

of COURSE another hard weekend is coming up with special occasions. i have come to realize that my whole life seems to be a special occasion. but more on that later.

if you are interested in the couch-to-5k program, start here: couch to 5k website

i've been published

hello, and i apologize for my silence. it was a crazy hectic weekend, and i just needed a break from thinking! but while i've been gone, something cool has happened. i have become a staff member for delicious voices magazine. editor benjamin micah asked me to write my reboot story and to provide regular updates. so starting with this missive, my blog posts will be copied to the delicious voices website as well as posted here. you can find my introductory post by clicking here.

the news of my post going live couldn't have come at a better time. i learned of it as i was laying in my bed, contemplating going to the store for hummus and pita chips. today has been rough. it's not hard to figure out why...i've been away from juice again. on friday i went to "melt." i did good by one set of standards, terrible by another. all day i told myself "get a salad." then i got there and saw and smelled the food. it's truly my favorite restaurant in the world, and it's 90 minutes from home. so it's not like i get there weekly. so i ordered my favorite sandwich. BUT...i only ate half of it, and i sent the other half home with my friend as to not be tempted on saturday. i didn't get fries, but oh how i wanted them! i did take about 3 bites of pumpkin cheesecake, too. oh, and i had a cocktail--the drunken pumpkin. of everything i consumed, i regret that the most. it tasted good, but it didn't do much for me. i would have been content with water.

on saturday i bought 12 gourmet cupcakes and didn't eat any of them. i bought food at bob evans and delivered it to a friend. i stood strong. then i went out with a friend from cleveland and ended up with 3 beers, 2 (small) slices of pizza and 5 pieces of fried broccoli in my belly. IDIOT. none of it was amazing, none of it was worthwhile. i loathed myself for it.

on sunday i decided to ease back into juice by eating vegan. i had some chickpeas in curry sauce, some carrots, and lettuce in olive oil and red wine vinegar. so all in all, my total food consumption for the entire 3 days probably was less than i used to eat in one day. but after juicing, this was a major deviation from the plan, and one i'm not proud of--especially saturday. i did go to zumba saturday morning and sunday afternoon. but this morning i was still up 8/10 of a pound from friday.

so as it will always be after straying, today was a rough day. first of all i didn't enjoy my juice, pure carrot juice. i should have mixed it with some oranges. then i came home to the scent of barbecue ribs slow roasting in the crock pot and i swear i felt my heart break. i had every intention of going to walk or work out, but ended up hiding in my room, napping and feeling sad. i "pigged out" on some pistachios, then felt sad some more. then i started hardcore fantasizing about me and a container of hummus and bag of garlic pita chips...

and that's when benjamin posted my story on delicious voices, and i read what i wrote when i was on a juice and weight loss high last week, and it renewed my faith in myself. a friend on the reboot fb page has survived not one, but TWO canadian thanksgiving dinners in the past 2 days, and she hasn't caved. i have willpower like that inside of me, i just need to dig it back out and stop making excuses.

tomorrow is a new day, and it WILL be an all juice day. i have zumba and yoga in the evening, so i have a chance to work off some of these mistakes. i have to remember i'm on a journey, not in a race. there will be times when i deviate, but it doesn't have to mean the trip is over. now i'm not only responsible to myself, but also to the people i'm hoping to inspire through this blog, on facebook and now via delicious voices. thanks to benjamin for the opportunity. it's one more weapon in my arsenal against failure.

four fat logs

hello, loyal readers! if you'll take a look at yesterday's entry, you'll see a photo of a 5 pound "fat log." i have now lost about 4 of those on the reboot juice fast. this morning's weigh-in was jaw-dropping. 6.6 pounds! in one week! and i ate food at the tailgate party on saturday! i don't understand how it happened, but i'm happy for it. that means i lost the 4 i wanted to lose each week, plus the 1.8 i gained in NYC, plus almost another whole pound. this makes me feel MUCH better about the NY trip. it really only cost me 3 pounds instead of 6.

i want to sincerely thank everyone who encouraged me when i got back from that trip, and i was ready to give up. in those first days of last week, i kept going for those people more than for myself. my heart wasn't in it, but i didn't want to let anyone down. now i feel unstoppable. remind me to read this entry the next time i'm upset and ready to quit!

tonight on my way to a meeting i saw a paraglider soaring over a field near the highway. it reminded me of a goal i have had since college: i want to go skydiving. but there is a weight restriction on that activity, and i have never in my adult life qualified. i'm not that far away now. if i make it in time this fall, i will go. if not, i will be there the first possible day this spring. what a great way to say goodbye to the old me, when that day comes.

i did eat a little bit of food today. my morning was super hectic and by 11 i still hadn't had my "day starting" lemon juice in warm water, let alone a real juice. by 5pm i'd barely managed to consume any calories. i went to the farmer's market to get some produce for the weekend and ordered some food from the grill. they use all organic, fresh ingredients from local market vendors. YUM. i had some grilled squash with fresh salsa to dip it in, and some wood fired margarita pizza with beautiful mozzarella, olive oil and basil. i felt a little bit guilty about the pizza, but it wasn't your run of the mill domino's type. this pizza was made in front of my eyes with locally produced foods from the people at the market. it was a wonderful treat, and even if i gained a whole pound, i'm good with that.

tomorrow is zumba, and i'm excited! and friday contains something that's both great and terrible, but i will tell you about that tomorrow. i alluded to it in a past post with an ooey gooey photo...

also, i want to thank samantha for telling me today that this blog inspired her yesterday. knowing that helps ME stay on track. thank you, and to those of you reading all over the world, thank you for sharing in my journey. i'll leave you with the geographical breakdown of this week's readers. it made my heart feel warm.

United States  267

Germany  22

Canada  9

Russia  8

Singapore  6

United Kingdom  2

Australia  1

Switzerland  1 one final thing: heartfelt sympathy for the family of steve jobs tonight. this technological genius changed the world i grew up in, for the better.

some unknown number of days left

ok. i don't know how many days are left now. some say i shouldn't have added on days when i went to NYC. and this was originally set to end when i go back to NYC the first weekend in november with the band i work for. if that's the target, i have 30 days left. but the longer i do this, the more i know i'm going to have days where i just eat. special occasions, that type of thing. i will do my best to keep it healthy, moderate, infrequent. but it's how i operate. also i don't see me just throwing juice out the window at "the end." there is no end. i want this to be a part of my life forever now. so i'm going to drop the countdown and just "go with it."

so. about today. IT ROCKED. first of all, i couldn't help myself, and i got on the scale a day early. but i'm not telling you until after tomorrow's official wednesday weigh-in. let's just say it made me go "woot-woot!" then, i dressed for work in "real" clothes. i didn't rock my usual hoodie, jeans and kicks. today was dress pants, nice shirt, heels, matching jewelry, and painted nails. my boss said i looked "striking." i felt so good all day. for the first time in a long time i didn't wear a "fat sucker" under my clothes. i didn't muffin-top out of my pants.

since it's zumba day, i treated myself to edamame for lunch. i like having the protein and sodium boost before a workout. i read on the facebook page that one of our friends had a seizure during her juice fast because she was drinking too much water and not taking in enough sodium, so i salted up my soybeans generously. and i don't know if it was the edamame, my good day, or both, but i rocked it pretty hard at zumba and yoga. i felt like i had more energy, more flexibility. and when i did forward bend and downward dog in yoga, my top belly (i have two) didn't push "the girls" up into my face to suffocate me like usual. trust me boys, that's not as much fun as it may seem.

when i got home i was putting some laundry away, and i came across a dress i forgot i had. i tried it on early in the summer and it didn't quite fit, but i really liked it. several months later i saw it was 80% off and even though it still didn't fit, i bought it for $9 just in case i ever lost weight. so tonight i tried it on and it fit! it actually looks pretty great, and i'm going to wear it out this weekend. saturday night a friend from cleveland is coming to town, and she's a total fashionista. i always feel like such a frumpy mcfrumperton around her. well now in this dress, i'll still feel like a large marge (she weighs about 110) but not a frumpster!

it's amazing how in the past few days i have really started to notice so many changes in my body. it's like i crossed some line and now things are moving around and changing. this picture is a person holding 5 pounds of body fat. i have lost more than 3 of those fat logs. and i want to lose about 10 more of them.

this afternoon a friend texted me that she was miserable because her husband bought her some sexy undergarments, and she couldn't get them up over her hips. she said she was "overflowing out of her pajama jeans like a toilet the morning after wing night." i truly felt her pain. i have had SO many more days like hers than days like my own. i hope i can inspire her. i also know that when a close friend succeeds at something you're struggling with, it can cause resentment. i wouldn't blame her if she felt a bit of that, so i have to try to encourage without flaunting.

i know a lot of people reading this are just starting on their juice fasts. all i can say is to hang in there. if you can get through that first week, and then the frustrations, some hunger, some sadness, all sorts of feelings....then you will eventually get to a place where the way you feel is so worth the difficult path you've chosen. keep doing it. i wanted to quit too and some close friends and family said DON'T QUIT. and that was just a week ago. look at the difference between this week and last week for me. you can get here too. but you won't get anywhere if you give up. don't quit.

41 days left

ok, today felt like a deep breath. i am mostly recovered from my psychosis. i had some good pep talks from my mom and some friends. i didn't feel angry or starved today. i didn't have any edamame, but i did eat a few lima beans at my friend's house, and some iceberg lettuce with red wine vinegar and garlic on it. i'm ok with these things. they keep me feeling full, give me some protein and fiber, and they're healthy. or at least not detrimental. for the most part i just had juice and water today.

but tomorrow starts another weekend of difficulty. there's another pre-game meal at my house. i'm also invited to my friend's house before the game where they are having pumpkin cake and who knows what else. after the game i'm going to an alumni party (it's homecoming) where my ticket price includes food and beer. then saturday i'm going to the ohio state football game which includes 4 hours of tailgating. sigh. if my friend EVEN suggests stopping at skyline chili on the way home i'm dead meat.

i feel like i've been nothing but negative this week, so i'll touch on some good things. when i was walking in NYC i noticed that my arms weren't brushing against any rolls of fat above my waist. i used to have this "back bacon" that i wasn't really fully aware of until it was gone. i kept thinking, "something feels different," and i finally realized my arms were freely clearing the sides of my body. this morning i took my brand new jeans out of the dryer and put them right on without having to do any squats to stretch them. and they are in what (for me) is a respectable size. i.e. not the largest size on the shelf at old navy. when i got out of my car at the gym, i felt like my workout shorts were weird. i realized they were hanging lower than normal and needed the drawstring tightened. oh, and also, i found this picture of baby pandas snuggling each other. and while that has nothing to do with juice or weight loss, it definitely made my day better!

so thanks for sticking by me while i've gone through this tough week. i promise not to give up on me if you don't give up on me. good luck this weekend to all of my fellow juicers/rebooters.

44 days left

start spreadin' the news...i'm leavin' tomorrow. and it can't get here soon enough. i am so ready for a break from everything! it has been a roller coaster week.

i guess the good thing about my stupid week is that the hard parts distracted me from the fact that i haven't eaten in 16 days! now i'm heading to NYC, where i will have a vegan meal at some point. i'm so looking forward to it! i've been reading reviews for the past hour, trying to make sure i go to the best place. it's my one "cheat" during this, so it has to be good!

it was a good day from a juice standpoint. i did zumba tonight. i was a little tired and didn't push myself too hard, which i don't think is a bad thing. my phenomenal instructor/friend sally has been ultra supportive of me through this, and i'm sure she understands that my body is in a transitional phase, and i need to keep myself working out at only a moderate level during the fast.

tonight i had my blood sugar tested. a good pre-meal blood sugar is 80-120. mine was 90. i wish i knew what it was 3 weeks ago! the fit i threw before getting "stuck" made me realize more than ever why i need to get healthy. if i had to do that several times a day along with insulin shots, i would FLIP. OUT. my nurse brother had to hold my hand and stick my finger while i held onto my mom with my other hand and screamed. then i proclaimed that i was hemorrhaging and needed a tourniquet.  

i have had some wonderful interactions in the past few days with some people on the reboot website. that's the community for people who started with the documentary "fat, sick and nearly dead." i'm getting over 100 blog hits per day now, mostly from rebooters. it's kind of amazing to see that there are people as far away as australia following my journey. these people have become important to me even though we are strangers, because i know i am setting the example for everyone who has fewer days behind them than i do. i feel like i owe them all my best effort, because if i give up, they may feel like they can't succeed either. i want to inspire, not discourage.

all i can tell my fellow juicers is that it does get better. it never gets easy, but it gets manageable. if you can get through 5 days, then it starts to get a little better each day after that. the time will pass by whether you are juicing or not. so why not use these next 60 days to reboot your body and become a better version of yourself?

i'm not taking my laptop to new york, so i will catch up with you on monday evening. enjoy your weekend!

45 days left

well today was totally sucky, but it didn't have anything to do with juicing. it was just a bad, bad day.

but there was one really amazing bright spot, courtesy of my friend debbie. you've read about her along the way. she inspired me to do this, and has supported me with helpful links, information and advice. she read about the raw vegan restaurant i plan to eat at in NYC and sent me some money so i'd be able to afford an extra special meal. that gesture meant so much to me. it's overwhelming to think about her being proud of me and truly caring how my days go. debbie's husband dick was one of the most important people in my life, and he passed away last summer. debbie's friendship is his enduring gift to me. she too has become one of the most important people in my life.

after my (otherwise) bad day i just came home and laid in my bed and watched tv. after a couple of hours my mom came to tell me there was a beautiful rainbow in the sky. it made me feel a little better. how can you look at something so random, so pretty, and still feel ugly on the inside? so thank you debbie and thank you rainbow for cheering me up today!

speaking of rainbows, i have been making an effort to drink one every day. i read that it's important to try to drink every color, every day. but i always fail on "blue." have you seen the cost of blueberries? to get enough juice to be worthwhile, i'd be spending $40 a week just on blue bleepin' berries! but between my lean green and my tomato-based juices, i hit all of the other colors. is there anything else that's blue that i'm not thinking of??? schnozberries?

and finally, i have this week's weigh-in result: i lost 4.3 pounds. i am thrilled with this, as i met my 4.2 pound goal. that means that in my first 14 days of juicing i lost 13.3 pounds. i need to lose 9.5 pounds to be back below my lowest "recent" weight, in may 2010. that's my next small goal. when i reach it, i'm buying new jeans. i'll try to keep them dry.

46 days left

***WARNING - this blog entry contains explicit food references! Rated NSFHJ - not suitable for hungry juicers***

pictured to the left is the meal i am going to eat in new york city this weekend. instead of stressing about "will i or won't i eat," i have made the decision to eat a meal. i found a raw vegan restaurant called quintessence. according to the many reviews i mentally binged on last night, the mexican platter is the best thing going:

Our incredibly delicious enchilada - golden flax and corn tortilla filled with "refried beans", "cheese", tomato and lettuce drenched with mole sauce and finished with a dollop of "sour crème" paired with our new amazing tostada. Served with Guajillo chili sauce and garlic scallion wild rice.

ok, so they don't get any points from me for comma placement, but i will happily try this meal. by saturday i will be on day 18 of the fast, almost 33% finished, and i feel like i can have a meal without blowing the whole thing. but i am keeping it raw and vegan as to not confuse my body too much. i'm so excited to try something like this.

i should note that before writing this blog, i was checking out this link to the top 10 new foods at fairs.  i am intrigued by deep fried butter on a stick and buffalo chicken wrapped in a pancake deep fried on a stick. i do admit to loving any foods that are served on sticks! this is why i'll be steering clear of my county's fair this week.

today i was hungry. i drank juice ALL DAY. there was almost never a moment when i didn't have juice in front of me. i don't know what my problem was. after zumba and yoga i warmed up a bowl of "very veggie" and ate it like tomato soup. my dad said, "are you eating food?" i said i was eating warm juice, and he scrunched up his face and said, "that's not healthy, you need some food." finally my dad weighs in! i said, "being fat isn't healthy," and he didn't say anything else.

today i decided that i'm married to this "arrangement" for the whole 60 days. i'm committing to it like a spouse. while i may have a wandering eye, i will not cheat on it. except we have a special agreement regarding the vegan meal this weekend. it's kind of like that list of "five celebrities you have no chance with so you can sleep with them if you're asked" that some couples have. i might need to put melt bar and grilled on that list too, because it's my favorite place in the world to eat, and my friend's boyfriend owns it so sometimes "melt happens." the good news is they have vegan options....even though i really want the grilled cheese sandwich with lasagna on it and some pumpkin pecan bread pudding. melt's menu is hardcore food porn. for example, that entire sandwich in the picture has been deep fried. luckily for my non-pissed-in favorite jeans, it doesn't come on a stick.

48 days left

well there are just a few of the cupcakes and a mexican dinner i didn't eat on saturday. there were four flavors of cupcakes, and at the end of the night i realized that pre-juice, i would have eaten at LEAST one of each flavor...on top of chips, salsa, queso, a meal, and margaritas. so i entered what i would have eaten into my calorie counter and the total was 3,729 calories, 5,901 grams of sodium and 136 grams of fat. and that's just for that one meal. i can't believe how easy it is to rack up more than a day's worth of calories at one celebration. i'll tell you...my stomach was growling and i was hungry as i watched 20 others eat meals and cake....but i didn't feel sorry for myself, or angry or hurt. i felt happy. happy for them that they were all enjoying themselves, and happy for me that i had the willpower to say no while still having a good time.

i apologize to my fellow juicers who are probably cursing me for posting those pictures on here!

today was a great day. i went to church, took a sunday drive with my family, watched the browns win, then went to zumba. between activities i guzzled green juice, grape juice and carrot juice. it's interesting to note how in tune with my body i've become. i had a headache while we were driving around the lake, and my mom asked if i wanted advil. i'm trying not to put anything but water and plant-based nutrition into my body, so i declined. when we got home i drank about 8oz of green juice and the headache disappeared within 5-7 minutes. my body just needed nutrients and hydration.

i feel like i've been jumping hurdles, each one getting a little bit bigger leading up to the biggest of all. it stared with that golf outing on week 1. then my mom's party in week 2. now i'm going to find myself in new york city in 5 days. one of the reasons i most enjoy going there is the food. falafel, food trucks, gelato, stuffed cupcakes, chocolate covered bacon, thai delivery, cuban tapas, festivals, pizza...need i go on? i won't, as i can hear my juicers swearing at me again. my friend whom i'm visiting suggested we go to a raw food restaurant. i'd be eating, but it would still be raw vegan. a treat without a cheat. i'm going to just see what happens when i get there.

oh, another note about saturday...my sister-in-law found out what i'm doing and we can add her to the "that sounds so unhealthy" response category. maybe i should send her the calorie/sodium/fat count for what i would have eaten if i hadn't been feasting on wheatgrass, barley grass, cucumbers, kale, apples, peaches, grapes, celery, chlorella and spirulina. then let's discuss what sounds unhealthy.

i'm going into monday with no fear. i am going to dominate this week.

50 days left

today was a pretty good day. that mess you see to the left went through my juicer last night and became lunch for debbie and me today. we had a great time catching up, talking about everything from politics to nutrition! she even liked my juice better than the bottled juice i bought at the health food store. i have to say, today's batch was the best yet. i added 2 extra apples which really helped.

tonight was the first anticipated hurdle of my weekend-- the arrival of east of chicago pizza, loaded nachos and wings to my home. i played with my niece in the living room while the others ate, then took a walk with her. then we went to the football game where everyone around me had popcorn, hot dogs, nachos and hot chocolate. i stared to get really hungry. i left after halftime as planned to go to a friend's house. when i stopped at home i saw the mostly demolished nacho box on the counter and "binged" on about 6 sliced black olives and a banana pepper ring. then i pounded a giant glass of mean green and went to my friend's, feeling pretty good.

i realized that the worst part of tonight's festivities was anticipating it all week. i worried all day about if i would have the willpower to pass it up. it's weird to worry about something as if it's an unknown when i was in complete control of the situation. why was i stressing about it when i could have just told myself, "you will not cave?" i guess because i have failed myself so many times, i feel like i am on the edge of a cliff every minute of every day. but getting through tonight gave me a lot of confidence for tomorrow night at the mexican restaurant. i will over-indulge in the happiness and leave the food to the others. i'm not really worried about it now. then again, i haven't laid eyes on the decadent cupcakes yet.

i had to tell my sister about the juice fast tonight and her response was, "you're going to end up in the hospital." know what will put me in the hospital? my BMI of 36. i have to lose 37 pounds before i will even be out of the "obese" range and simply "overweight." 66 pounds until "normal." so that has become my goal, to be certifiably normal, at least in that one way. i won't be there by the end of the 60 days, but i'll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. my goal is to lose 4.2 pounds per week for the rest of the fast. i don't know if that is realistic or not, and there's not really much i can do to control it beyond juicing and exercising at my regular rate. but based on losing 9 pounds the first week, i don't think 4 in the subsequent weeks seems like too much to hope for. it just means ONE thing. NO cupcakes.

51 days left

for those of you who have been following along at home, last week i made a claim that if i could lose 10 pounds and fit back into my favorite jeans, i would put them on and piss right in them out of happiness. well there's good news and good news: i was able to wear them today, but i did not soil them. for proof of the former, see the photo to the left. in light of this development i took my measurements again tonight. over 7 measurements i lost 9 inches this week, 3 of them from my waist. this amazed me even more than the 9 pounds.

tomorrow i get to have lunch with debbie who planted this seed in my head in the first place. i have a big pitcher of green juice all ready for us! i can't tell you how excited i am to have a "meal" with someone who supports what i'm doing and who wants to join me in one of MY meals. i've been watching everyone else eat for 9 days...for one meal i get to feel normal, and i can't wait.

but tomorrow evening starts another difficult weekend. before home football games my sister's family always comes over for dinner. tomorrow's menu is pizza, loaded nachos and wings. then a chilly football game with no hot chocolate...i'm already sad! on saturday we're having a surprise party for my mom at a mexican restaurant complete with the world's best cupcakes. i'm already sad about that too. i got an email from my girlfriends tonight inviting me out for dinner/drinks this weekend. and so on. i just have to keep telling myself that no one is eating anything that won't exist in 52 days, and that dropping another 20-30 pounds before that NYC gig in november would feel much better than eating pizza and cupcakes. to anyone who isn't or hasn't dieted, it probably sounds absurd to say i'll be sad and angry over missing a couple of meals. but it's so hard. you feel like there's a spotlight on your fat. no one else there is in such a desperate situation that they have to give up food for 2 months. it's a lonely place when everyone around you is eating and having a great time and your tummy is growling as you see it and smell it. when you're on a "normal" diet you can at least have some sort of food in front of you so people don't really notice what you are or are not doing. i have contemplated ordering just beans on saturday. couldn't they pass as a thick juice? heh.

but i have my eye on the prize, and i'll get through it all. before i know it i'll be writing sunday's blog, and i'll feel so good about surviving the weekend. i'll go to zumba on saturday and sunday and burn some extra calories, and i'll go to church on sunday and pray for another week's worth of strength. and maybe for a juice that tastes like cupcakes.