Friday, September 16, 2011
50 days left
tonight was the first anticipated hurdle of my weekend-- the arrival of east of chicago pizza, loaded nachos and wings to my home. i played with my niece in the living room while the others ate, then took a walk with her. then we went to the football game where everyone around me had popcorn, hot dogs, nachos and hot chocolate. i stared to get really hungry. i left after halftime as planned to go to a friend's house. when i stopped at home i saw the mostly demolished nacho box on the counter and "binged" on about 6 sliced black olives and a banana pepper ring. then i pounded a giant glass of mean green and went to my friend's, feeling pretty good.
i realized that the worst part of tonight's festivities was anticipating it all week. i worried all day about if i would have the willpower to pass it up. it's weird to worry about something as if it's an unknown when i was in complete control of the situation. why was i stressing about it when i could have just told myself, "you will not cave?" i guess because i have failed myself so many times, i feel like i am on the edge of a cliff every minute of every day. but getting through tonight gave me a lot of confidence for tomorrow night at the mexican restaurant. i will over-indulge in the happiness and leave the food to the others. i'm not really worried about it now. then again, i haven't laid eyes on the decadent cupcakes yet.
i had to tell my sister about the juice fast tonight and her response was, "you're going to end up in the hospital." know what will put me in the hospital? my BMI of 36. i have to lose 37 pounds before i will even be out of the "obese" range and simply "overweight." 66 pounds until "normal." so that has become my goal, to be certifiably normal, at least in that one way. i won't be there by the end of the 60 days, but i'll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. my goal is to lose 4.2 pounds per week for the rest of the fast. i don't know if that is realistic or not, and there's not really much i can do to control it beyond juicing and exercising at my regular rate. but based on losing 9 pounds the first week, i don't think 4 in the subsequent weeks seems like too much to hope for. it just means ONE thing. NO cupcakes.