Thursday, September 15, 2011
51 days left
tomorrow i get to have lunch with debbie who planted this seed in my head in the first place. i have a big pitcher of green juice all ready for us! i can't tell you how excited i am to have a "meal" with someone who supports what i'm doing and who wants to join me in one of MY meals. i've been watching everyone else eat for 9 days...for one meal i get to feel normal, and i can't wait.
but tomorrow evening starts another difficult weekend. before home football games my sister's family always comes over for dinner. tomorrow's menu is pizza, loaded nachos and wings. then a chilly football game with no hot chocolate...i'm already sad! on saturday we're having a surprise party for my mom at a mexican restaurant complete with the world's best cupcakes. i'm already sad about that too. i got an email from my girlfriends tonight inviting me out for dinner/drinks this weekend. and so on. i just have to keep telling myself that no one is eating anything that won't exist in 52 days, and that dropping another 20-30 pounds before that NYC gig in november would feel much better than eating pizza and cupcakes. to anyone who isn't or hasn't dieted, it probably sounds absurd to say i'll be sad and angry over missing a couple of meals. but it's so hard. you feel like there's a spotlight on your fat. no one else there is in such a desperate situation that they have to give up food for 2 months. it's a lonely place when everyone around you is eating and having a great time and your tummy is growling as you see it and smell it. when you're on a "normal" diet you can at least have some sort of food in front of you so people don't really notice what you are or are not doing. i have contemplated ordering just beans on saturday. couldn't they pass as a thick juice? heh.
but i have my eye on the prize, and i'll get through it all. before i know it i'll be writing sunday's blog, and i'll feel so good about surviving the weekend. i'll go to zumba on saturday and sunday and burn some extra calories, and i'll go to church on sunday and pray for another week's worth of strength. and maybe for a juice that tastes like cupcakes.