56 days left

today was hard.

let me start from the beginning though. i went to zumba at 8, hula hoop at 9, then yoga. i followed the lower-intensity instructor at zumba but my shirt was still soaked with sweat, so not an easy workout. i didn't feel malnourished or anything. i came home and had a mean green, then hit the couch. that's when the trouble began:  food commercials. then boredom. my go-to entertainment would have been going to subway for a footlong and some chips and soda. i truly felt like, "if i can't EAT, what am i supposed to DO all day?" sad, but true. so i took a nap. got up an hour later and started working on some juice for this evening and tomorrow. mid-juicing, my mom came into the kitchen and started making hamburgers for her and my dad. that's when i "cheated" and popped a couple of chunks of pineapple into my mouth that i was cutting to be juiced. at that point i just abandoned what i was doing and went and took a bubble bath while my parents ate dinner. when the food had been cleared away i finished my juice project and cleaned up. i decided i had to get out of the house, so i went to visit a friend. on her stove was some leftover homemade pizza that looked amazing. then i watched her husband stand at the counter eating leftover fajitas. then a neighbor stopped by with some of her homemade chocolate treats like white chocolate cashew bark. while i was not feeling physically hungry--no pangs or growling--mentally i was starving. i started craving, of all things, ramen noodles. i finally left so i could come home and go to sleep.

today is the first time that i have felt like there's no way i can do this for 60 days. or 30, or another week. i need to sleep and get through tomorrow, then reevaluate when i'm back at work and busy all day. i think being busy is the absolute key.

i also just wish i enjoyed the juice. i already dread making it, smelling it and drinking it. and it's not that it's terrible, it's just not delicious. of course i LOVE the fruit juice. the citrus, the apples, pineapple, melon. if i could do this strictly on fruit i'd be much happier. i just need to find the right recipe for veggie-based juice. i tried to make a v8 type last night and put too much hot pepper in. tonight i added more tomato and carrots, garlic and then more cheating--a few dashes of worcestershire sauce. i just couldn't bear to waste all of that juice but it wasn't drinkable otherwise.

so. tomorrow is another day. i'm having "breakfast" at bob evans with a friend, which i scheduled before i knew i'd be on a juice fast. she's not in town often, so i can't cancel. i plan to just ask for hot water with a lemon slice.

my hope is that today was not the norm, that i'll be back to feeling positive again tomorrow or monday. i am going to make this last one week no matter what. then i'll make a descion. for now, the goal is still 60 days.