Wednesday, September 28, 2011

who's your edamame? (or 42 days left)

HARD!!! today was HARD HARD HARD! i have been hungry and angry all day long. no part of me wants anything to do with juice. getting back on this is taking every ounce of my willpower. and i don't even feel good about the willpower, i feel downright pissy about it. i went to my nephew's soccer game tonight and spent the whole time thinking that when i left there i would go buy a whole pizza and secretly eat it ALL in my car. truly! i didn't do that, but i really wanted to.

today i had some green juice, apple juice and pomegranate juice. in addition i ate the cucumber slices from a friend's subway sandwich and another order of edamame. i can't get enough of it! i guess i feel like if soybeans are what keep me from going totally off the rails, then i'm going to eat soybeans. i do like how much protein they have. plus they are fun to eat. i don't know if eating some beans every day can derail the juice diet or not. if anyone has any insight on this, please comment or email me. i drank some tea this evening, and as soon as i have the currently washing clothes into the dryer, i'm going to bed. otherwise there's still a chance i could crack.

i'd give anything not to have gone to NYC. i was in a great place mentally with all of this before i left, and now i'm a basket case. getting back on the diet = so much harder than starting the diet. i'm not sure if it's the food that made me crazy, as in physiologically, or if this is all mental.

oh, i weighed this morning and gained 1.8 pounds this week. not TERRIBLE but i feel like i also need to count the 4 pounds i didn't lose, which i almost surely would have had i not lost control. so it's kind of a net gain of 6 pounds in my mind. unless i lose 10 pounds this week (i won't), then last week was a complete setback.

i need strength. sigh.

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